When Ashlea Page was three months pregnant, her then-partner, Aron Goodrem, tied her hands to a staircase and burnt her with cigarettes, leaving permanent scars all over her body.
Key points:
- Groups giving women the opportunity to tell their stories have emerged online
- While not intended to replace existing services, interest has grown amid the pandemic
- Ashlea Page is among those speaking out and helping others to get help
It wasn't the first time he had been abusive towards her, and it certainly wasn't the last.
Ashlea is one of thousands of members of an informal but closed online community of domestic violence victims, and has never before spoken publicly about the abuse she suffered.
While services exist for survivors, the impact of coronavirus has meant a growing number are turning to non-traditional means to seek help.
Sharing her experiences has given Ashlea vital support, but she in turn has helped other victims and survivors by providing hope of justice.
She vividly remembers the occasion when, two days after she gave birth, her extended family came to the house, unannounced, to meet the new baby.
"When they left he went into a rage," she said.
"He spat on me when I first walked back into the house, then he pushed me up against the wall and punched me in the face."
Six weeks later, the abuse got worse when Ashlea asked Goodrem to prepare a bottle for the baby.
"I woke up covered in blood, I think I was knocked unconscious for about five to ten minutes. I had bruising all down the back of my head, the back of my ear and a cut in my hairline.
"My injuries were kind of covered by my hair so people had no idea."
Ashlea said Goodrem would "often strangle me for a few minutes and then walk out, or he'd just hit me and then leave the room".
After that, he moved her and her daughter seven hours away from her friends and family.
He smashed her phone, took away her bank cards and told her when she was allowed to leave the house.
'Evil' abuser had 'utter disrespect'
Nearly 10 years later, Ashlea's former partner was sentenced to up to 20 years in jail, on charges of rape, domestic abuse, and stalking.
Last month, a Sydney judge described him as an "evil" domestic violence repeat offender who has "utter disrespect for women".
One woman told the court how she lived "like an animal", and that Goodrem took control of her money, confiscated her phone and limited her friendships before she was forced to flee without her child.
Another of the women, who was raped by Goodrem during their abusive relationship, described "living in fear with an invisible gun to my head".
During their four-year relationship, Ashlea told no-one about Goodrem's domestic abuse.
"I didn't know how to say to someone, 'I'm in a domestic violence relationship', I didn't know how to walk up to someone and say, 'He hits me'. I just didn't think you could say that someone, so I dealt with it," she said.
It was not until years later, when Ashlea left, that she started speaking out about what had happened to her.
Online support provides vital lifeline
*Katie, who runs one of the largest online domestic violence support groups in Australia, offered Ashlea a "safe space" to share her story with other women with similar lived experiences.
"What emerged after Ashlea joined was that she is a survivor of horrendous abuse," she said.
While the group is informal — and doesn't intend to replace existing frontline services — it provides information on how women and children can leave, report abuse, attend court and start new jobs.
It gives them the tools to "identity they're in a domestic violence relationship, learn about the process, find friends and gain fulfillment in helping others who may be stuck".
"I personally know the value of, and benefitted from, a well-run support group," Katie said.
Katie said the forum had been a lifeline for women during the COVID-19 pandemic, during which the traditional face-to-face frontline services have not been an option.
"This group has been vital during COVID. It has saved lives," she said.
The support group started off with 770 members at the start of the year. By November, it had more than tripled in size to 3,650.
Dr Silke Meyer, the deputy director of the Gender and Family Violence Centre at Monash University, said online support groups for victims of domestic and family violence were "incredibly vital".
"Domestic and family violence is an incredibly isolating experience that affects such a large proportion of women in Australia," she said.
"We know from the help-seeking research side that often family, friends [and] informal types of support mechanisms are a first point of contact for many victim survivors. Sometimes they're often the only point of contact."
'Please come forward and fight'
State and federal governments have boosted funding to victims' support services, including $150 million to counselling services, as a result of COVID-19.
But traditional frontline support services for women and children fleeing domestic and family violence are still struggling.
In the month of May, an SA domestic violence service had to turn away 450 calls from women in crisis.
"The reality of COVID has been that informal contact, or reaching out with family and friends or having private phone conversations, has been significantly restricted when you're trapped in a home with your perpetrator," Dr Meyer said.
When Ashlea was still living with Goodrem, she walked outside one day to a swarm of police and ambulances blocking the street.
She remembers asking the crowd gathering around a neighbour's house what had happened, and being told: "Her partner bashed her. She's being airlifted to hospital".
When Ashlea went back inside, she told Goodrem what had happened. "Yeah," Aron said. "But I'm not that bad."
Ashlea helped five other women bring a conviction against her former partner.
Outside court, another of the women abused by Goodrem urged others experiencing domestic violence to speak out.
"There are other girls who are in the same shoes as you," she said.
*Name changed to protect identity.
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2020-11-06 22:01:00Z
CBMibGh0dHBzOi8vd3d3LmFiYy5uZXQuYXUvbmV3cy8yMDIwLTExLTA3L2RvbWVzdGljLXZpb2xlbmNlLXZpY3RpbXMtc2Vlay1oZWxwLWluLW9ubGluZS1zdXBwb3J0LWdyb3Vwcy8xMjg1MTQzNNIBJ2h0dHBzOi8vYW1wLmFiYy5uZXQuYXUvYXJ0aWNsZS8xMjg1MTQzNA
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